AlistaiR WonG
Chia Mei Juan
Monday
6 / 7 / 09
Today is the first day of school, i should mean, first day of a new term, new module =) was going great but tired.. boring also. had alot of talks with some of them who went for the china trip which they shared with me today... other than then tat, nth else..
morning was life skills lesson. after that bored bored bored, new teacher in charge told us to buy tools for ourselve and i did, at night, i mean late evening. reach home at 9.45 because i tot i could have see someone i wanted to. reach home, sms with her...
i duno wads wrong with me..i duno wad has become of me, to have landed me in this state.i duno why, i just flare up, anger rise in my heart when she told me she's going out with ben,but wad can i do...i am not her anyone anymore...staying til 9.45.. i could have gone off earlier but i stood outside causeway, walking here and there when i see the time is coming, for me. i went home...
worried about her late going home, because she's having job interview the next day, dun wana her being a Panda in the interview room( that might leave the interviewer a bad impression) i was baking some cakes, when she message me she's on her way home, was around 10 or 10.10 if i dun rmb wrongly. i rush and stood by at my balcony to look out for her.(where she just leave opposite my block) around 11 or 11.15 den i saw her,when ask her about what took her so long to reach home, she said she was having a chat with ben... i got so angry but yet cant do anything...
who am i now....i dun even reconize myself, knowing myself anymore.. i wasnt wad i use to be anymore...i noe she could took care of herself, but i duno why i just cant stand it when she meets up with ben, or any other guy? Ben once said to her " when u're single den we contact ba" which means he dun really love her uh, he just wana play around, if not he wouldnt have said that. Now that they're in contact, i duno why i would just throw tantrumt.
i noe she's not going to turn back anymore. well,all i can do now is to look out, or look at her from faraway where she wont noe. but i noe, 1 message from her, climbing uphills, or going through big waves, i would still do it.
i really duno wad have become of me...maybe because i hasnt reach the age whereby looking for jobs, not knowing how stress she was? Putting more burden on her when she needs me most? how am i to forget all the beautiful memories we had?
People say time heals, to me, it heals shit because the wonderful memories we had is not erase-able. the smile u put on your face, the jealousy look u gave me, the face when you're crying, faces whereby u look so lovely, so cute that makes me speechless to describe anything. its just so sweet that i could melt.
Time is not turning back, i noe..all i would do now is to look out for her, standing faraway to see her, (if i could, if i noe where she is)just to in case she needs any help. Stand by her, look out for her message where by she could find me if she realli need anything urgently...
I'm sorry.
