31 July, 2009
i miss her...
today went bugis, sebastian wana see her, i ask him and joanne to go, i dun wana go, dun wana spoil her mood while she's working..
Not in a good mood, scolded my mum juz now i guess. telling her to go care abt kor den. haiis
i miss you
i miss you
i miss you.
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10:04 PM
History Never Repeat.
16 July, 2009
im missing u so badly now...so lost, so mess up now.is there realli nth i could do now to get back our feelings?you were my everything. now tat you're gone...i have nothing leftall i have is my feelings for you.i dream of you everyday.. dreamt of our past, our future...i really needed you back.. i realise how important you were to me.you, who created my guide to life..you, who created the smile on me..you, who crave your name on my heart..I can't sleep, I can't live without you by my side. So cold, so lost without you as my guide. You made me realise I've nothing, nothing without you.Could be your eyes, could be your smile. could be the way you freed my mind. your precious touch caressed my soul. you gave me everything I need,Please give me one more try for the sake of our love. Let's give it one more chance cos I can't give you up.I can't live one more day without you in my armsI could never find another like you.All the pain we feel inside,you relied on me and i have let u down.but i promise you,i will be the best i can,i noe we could still revive the love we had left.I can’t stand the painAnd I can’t make it go away, I made my mistakesI’ve got no where to run.Could be the lies, could be my pride, bringing me so wild that you leave me.
Could be the times I wasn't there. And all the nights we didn't share, and now you're gone.I wanna start this over againGene, i just cant go on without u by my side.I try not to think about the pain I feel inside but everywhere seems to be concern wid uDid you know you used to be my queen? All the days you spent with me Now seem so far awayAnd it feels like you don't care anymoreim breaking down...I can't take this blow..I need somewhere to goI need you I'm so restlessI don't know what to do
We've had our rough times Fighting all nightAnd now you're slipping awayGive me this route to change, please. To make the wrongs become right,
I knew it would last From the first time I first looked in your eyes you buries my fears And I will cherish this love ever moreYou know it's not easy to do, turning my back on me and you but Gene I need someone there Who will love me and care for my life everything that could gone wrong has gone wrong at some time Now I can see the light It was love at first sight And I cant bring myself to let you go tears keep falling, when i see your face and it keeps me goingif I get lost, your light's would guide me and I know that you can take me home
i know that people might say we're never going to make itBut I wun give up hope to get through thisWithout you I go through the motionsWithout you it's just not quite the sameWithout you I don't want to go outThere's nothing I could ever say to change the things I didBut I promise youI'll make it up to you
Take me back to yesterdayI will never crossed that lineI changed across of time
I can never live this wayIf only you forgiveWe'll start againWith all my heart.GENEVIEVE TOH.I'll be waiting
Gene, give me one last try
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9:04 PM
History Never Repeat.
14 July, 2009
14 / 7 / 09
12am+ reaching 1. was seeking jamie for advice, told her wad happen. She preach me for about 2 hours. thru her preach i realli did understand alot and how gene felt, & where the mistake lies... haiis...i felt so ashame of myself. Jamie told me she would help me talk to her.today totally got no mood...slept in class for the whole day, Thanks Jamie for preaching / Lecturing me.. or else i wouldnt have noe how she have felt and wad i done is a serious mistake...but haiis.....its too late...she would nv wants to turn back..This was the last time i went out with her, and she said she nv wants to see me anymore on the next day on train....haiis..
The Pictures below this sentence were left un-post after wad has happen to us....accompanied her to airport for interview =\
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8:34 PM
History Never Repeat.
13 July, 2009
GOOD MORNING
Woke up at 8+... which definitely will not late for school today ! but i was woken up by a call by shaun saying today's morning class was cancelled. omfg... no choice but to use comp cos i cant slp back... mum woke up and she say she's going down for a coffee. She will buy packed food for me =) which means i could save money on breakfast...
Haiis.. looking at the time, guess she's also awake now preparing to go work ba....miss her alot.. hope that she could go out wid me on her off day. talked to the bear which i bought for her as a gift last night.. mummy is not around, u both muz take care of yourself, i cant tc of u guys alone... haiis... in 2 more hours im going to prepare for school le...bored..last time i was planning, she work, i school, den after school i still can go fetch her... but now, she dun wana see me...haiis. type til here ba..i not realli in the mood to type more..
*Night*
wad mum bought for me dis morning breakfast was a waste... i got no appetite..
For the whole day in school i was doing nothing...so do everyone... No appetite to eat. til now.. 12.57am. all of my classmate was also dead.. so quiet today, so unlike of them...
Reach home, kor ask if i have eaten, i said yes.. because i got no appetite to eat.. and is afraid he would ask me to go eat.. so i said yes.. haiis... its been the 3rd day... and i do realli miss her alot...lying on bed til my dad went to slp...and now continuing dis post...
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10:17 AM
History Never Repeat.
12 July, 2009
its being 2 days i have not eaten anything..just duno why..im hungry, but im not in the mood to eat.. No appetite.. having keep thinking wad i could do..today was somehow a bored day... Dun wana stress her or spoil her mood when she was walking.. so the whole day i din msg her...im so not use to it not having her in contact.. Le chuan noes im not in a good mood, ask me out for a talk.. there's nothing for me to talk.. he brought shaun, kai wei and his girlfriend along...shaun didnt noe wads happening to me.. he keep asking why i was so dead, am i on depression.. i just kept quiet...and told him.. relation ship problem, he then ask me to share wad happen.le chuan noes something wrong with me le...but he duno how to keep shaun quiet...things started reflecting into my mind and my tears almost dripped out..i keep holding on not to let it drip..kai wei saw it and drag me to a toilet ask me if wan drip, drip at toilet...i wash my eyes onli.. den went back to meet them... after awhile i go off le cos no mood to be out.. went home..maybe shaun was right, im kind of having depression.. for days i have no mood to reli do anything, even eat, i cant even bring myself to eat.. no appetite.. haiis..
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10:31 PM
History Never Repeat.
today do nth.... 4 to 5+ i prepared and went to city hall to find her...when she sounds abit angry, and say dun wana see me, i stop at bishan.. after that when she sent a message saying she can wait, but she said its for her fren, but i have already gotten up the train.... to city hall.(Gen... if u're reading this, i am very sorry, i wanted to fetch u home but i duno wad could i say so i say i was out with my friends but in fact i was at home...)bii,i never wanted to quarrel with you when i met u at city hall...i just wanted to fetch u home. Not having u to be alone on train..u once told me, u cant stand loneliness, everywhere u go, u niid some1 by ur side.thats why i went to fetch u as its Sun lu. but i never wanted to talk about this...maybe u're stress over ur work or wad den u flare up ba...i just wanted to find a topic to talk, to keep us occupied when on our way home so time will past faster...i wanted to give u some time alone....its not that i everyday wana meet u.. but because today im passing by ur there, tats why i came over to meet u as we can go home together..i noe everything was my fault... baby i noe u hate doors to be open but im still tryina get into ur world and u still hab to guide me into ur world..bii, dun give up hope uh...please..
im willing to do anything to salavge our bonds...
- you were my everything, now that u are gone..i'm left with nothing.
(no souls, no heart, im numb. to sad or to cry but not to smile.)
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12:33 AM
History Never Repeat.
11 July, 2009
10 / 7 / 09Woke up and i went to school... reached by 10 and i get to do my stuff... the workshop was damn hot.. i keep standing on the fan becaus i dun wana sweat too much cos meeting bii later... 12.15 i went off to take mrt and meet bii at novena mrt station, after that we got down at somerset. accompany bii take her uniform...after that we went for our lunch and to movie... she has already watch it with her friends..well, nobody to watch with me so i asked her to watch wid me again.. lols she looks damn tired.. after the movie we went walk walk awhile den go le...haiis sad..i dun wana leave de but i have to.. she's meeting ben. took the lonely ride back to marsilling and to home.. she told me she would go back at 8+ but in the end 10+ lols. duno wad she's thinking, knowing herself so tired and is working tml yet go til so late. i also dun have the right to care anyway i guess. im not her who anymore...haiis.she's got my intention all wrongly... bii i nv has the intention to made u choose this way.. u got it all wrong...not convenient for me to explain here anyway but try standing in my shoes and think pls.. i really dun have the intention of doing those things and making u to choose tat way...i love you.i need you.i miss you.i miss your lovely face,i miss your cute expression,i miss your smile, i miss ui miss your voice,i miss your scoldings.(when i was blur)i miss your hitting.i miss your lovely action,that could melt my heart.Bii i realli need u back uh.. i realli realli dun have tat intention to made u choose tat way de...
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1:40 AM
History Never Repeat.
08 July, 2009
Just came back from school 2 hours ago... was damn tired as i slept onli for 3 hours... woke up and go school, halfway in the mrt phone rang, saying first lesson was cancel. i was like.. wtf? should have slept more... after that WorkShop hours were bored and teacher let us off at 4.30.. so reach home around 5.. was messaging with Bii, she went for job interview.. 3 interview at 1 shot lolx.. at Shu uemura. after that she never reply liao...She replied me around 6+ saying she was watching movie with friend...hmm i asked her wad movie, she say transformer... and i was like.. wtf? tat time ask her go watch she dun wan say not nice den now go and watch with friend... izit dun wan watch wid me... but she told me it was her friend that has bought her tickets...so.. well, wad more can i say? nobody to accompany me watch the show anymore.. haiis.FUCK IT LA IM SO FED UP WITH MY LIFE ! FUCK FUCK FUCK ! WADS WITH ME ! WO HEN FAN ! MY HEAD IS GONNA EXPLODE ! ITS DAMN PAIN LUH ! she's not with me, im so lost, so mess up in my life...
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7:12 PM
History Never Repeat.
7 / 7 / 09ha ! today woke up late and went to school.... everything was still same...bored bored bored... theory lesson all the way til class end.. sux... Mrt was pack and i board the 4th train. awwman.. the train stinks like hell with perspiring smell...Met Bii Bii at causeway and went to look for our stuff, she reach popular and she decided not to buy yet, went down to HOME FIX for my stuff, SOLD OUT ! or should i put it, they dun have wad im looking for.. bii ask if i have eaten, No, and i dun realli have the appetite but i wanted to have a meal with her so we went to BK but to no available seats. so we went to have LONG JOHN. lol i was eating quite slowly as her phone keep ringing so i have to keep down with her speed.... heh... the reason why i wanted to have the meal with her even tho i dun have appetite is because i wanted to see her longer, For her moving back to her house is a good thing, she doesnt have to suffer finacial problem with me, i noe we got to face everything together but i wanted her to have the best life. doesnt mean not being together is good uh. but i wish we could still be in a relationship altho we're stayin apart. but it isnt the case now. haiis.upon hearing she's going to ben house, flare !! 100 degree of my jealousy rise up ! but i couldnt do anything, as i said, we're not an item anymore. and she once said, there's no turning back for her.. how i wish we could still be like last time... ha.Was about to do my assignment when she said she wanted to go ben's house for research, i switch on my dad's laptop and stop my work to search for her. Just hate it when she wants to go to ben's house. @=<actually i was damn tired and wanted to slp after doing my work lolx now is 3am already and im still up, lols. halfway thru she gave up. i noe the stress she's going thru, if she carries on, i think she will go mad. so its 1 good point she gave up shu uemura's interview. lolx.Sarcrifise-ing some sleep for her, helpin her in any way i could is all i can do now...
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2:59 AM
History Never Repeat.
07 July, 2009
Monday
6 / 7 / 09
Today is the first day of school, i should mean, first day of a new term, new module =) was going great but tired.. boring also. had alot of talks with some of them who went for the china trip which they shared with me today... other than then tat, nth else..
morning was life skills lesson. after that bored bored bored, new teacher in charge told us to buy tools for ourselve and i did, at night, i mean late evening. reach home at 9.45 because i tot i could have see someone i wanted to. reach home, sms with her...
i duno wads wrong with me..i duno wad has become of me, to have landed me in this state.i duno why, i just flare up, anger rise in my heart when she told me she's going out with ben,but wad can i do...i am not her anyone anymore...staying til 9.45.. i could have gone off earlier but i stood outside causeway, walking here and there when i see the time is coming, for me. i went home...
worried about her late going home, because she's having job interview the next day, dun wana her being a Panda in the interview room( that might leave the interviewer a bad impression) i was baking some cakes, when she message me she's on her way home, was around 10 or 10.10 if i dun rmb wrongly. i rush and stood by at my balcony to look out for her.(where she just leave opposite my block) around 11 or 11.15 den i saw her,when ask her about what took her so long to reach home, she said she was having a chat with ben... i got so angry but yet cant do anything...
who am i now....i dun even reconize myself, knowing myself anymore.. i wasnt wad i use to be anymore...i noe she could took care of herself, but i duno why i just cant stand it when she meets up with ben, or any other guy? Ben once said to her " when u're single den we contact ba" which means he dun really love her uh, he just wana play around, if not he wouldnt have said that. Now that they're in contact, i duno why i would just throw tantrumt.
i noe she's not going to turn back anymore. well,all i can do now is to look out, or look at her from faraway where she wont noe. but i noe, 1 message from her, climbing uphills, or going through big waves, i would still do it.
i really duno wad have become of me...maybe because i hasnt reach the age whereby looking for jobs, not knowing how stress she was? Putting more burden on her when she needs me most? how am i to forget all the beautiful memories we had?
People say time heals, to me, it heals shit because the wonderful memories we had is not erase-able. the smile u put on your face, the jealousy look u gave me, the face when you're crying, faces whereby u look so lovely, so cute that makes me speechless to describe anything. its just so sweet that i could melt.
Time is not turning back, i noe..all i would do now is to look out for her, standing faraway to see her, (if i could, if i noe where she is)just to in case she needs any help. Stand by her, look out for her message where by she could find me if she realli need anything urgently...
I'm sorry.
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2:27 AM
History Never Repeat.
AlistaiR WonG
Chia Mei Juan
The Pictures below this sentence were left un-post after wad has happen to us....accompanied her to airport for interview =\
